Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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