i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
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She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
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Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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