I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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