I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
