i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
