hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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