Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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