Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
