My room smells like vodka and shame
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
