I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
