I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
