Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
