btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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