I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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