i don't like sucking hair
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
