He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the puke drawer
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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