it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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