Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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