hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
