Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
