I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize