I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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