Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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