My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
