Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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