Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
well I can't set my house on fire every night
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
