oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
