They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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