I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
