Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
