thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
