perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
