Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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