i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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