her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
