Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this