Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
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I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
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Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had