we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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