Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
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And the cops told us we were all naked.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
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We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing