bring money and cleavage
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...