I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.