I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock