id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
