when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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