Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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