I feel great
I just peed on a car
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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