you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
