i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
