Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
