guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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