i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
