i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
