she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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