Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
