"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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