I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
