officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
