i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
