Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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