Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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