Your tits are I can't wait for
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
