Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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