At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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